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I wish I can communicate with you about how amazing you are. And about how angry and hateful I am of humans for breeding you with malocclusion. You have so much life and personality. You're still bouncing around, just uncomfortable and in some pain.
If we have to make a decision to put you to sleep, I'm beyond sorry. Your mommy and I would do anything to keep you alive and healthy if it's in our powers. But you can't die a slow and painful death.
I can't apologize on behalf of humans because our species is shit. Those that have any responsibility in your condition should die a million times worse than you would have to. It's a shame that a little creative and happy soul like you would have to leave earth like this. You've been through so much already.
We're grateful and lucky than you trust us and take comfort in us when you're in distress. And we're hoping you just have a bad tooth infection. Come back healthy from the operation, ok?
We love you.
...the pillars of humanity and society, the supposedly amazing things that separate us from other animals and immortalize us, the boundless invention and innovation of the human mind, spit and stomp on everything this earth has to offer?
Food libel laws, the precursor to the AETA.
Maybe I should allow the human gods to shit directly into my head.
Hi, journal and world.
Asma and I celebrated the new year with a bunch of vegan friends down in Fresno. It was a grand time, and I'm glad to have friends like them.
Next Monday, I will start work with Acquity Group on a project here in the bay. It's short (6 weeks, possibility of extending a few weeks longer), but it pays much better than AARP. So I finally get to try out this contractor lifestyle. If VarLabs doesn't get funding at some point in the next few weeks, I will (hopefully) have another project lined up, which will most likely involve traveling half the time. Not sure how I'll react to that situation, but worth a try. I can't believe I'm breaking free of AARP. I will probably work with them on limited engagements in the future, but definitely not again as a half-employee situation.
As a result of this breaking free, I have to return my 15.4" MacBook Pro (which is a little over three years old now). I've ordered a 17" MacBook Pro and am eagerly waiting for Apple to ship the damn thing. I could use this laptop for another two years no problem. It's that good. So the much more powerful machine I'll be getting by the weekend will serve me well for several years hopefully.
Um, what else... I'm way behind on my woodworking aspirations. But I've finished The Golden Compass, and that was enjoyable. Might start The Subtle Knife tonight.
All the babies are doing good. Papaya's been sneezing a lot, but shows no signs of sickness, so it may just be some sort of allergy, or something, that we haven't pinpointed. She started sneezing after we got the boys, so maybe she does have a chronic illness. If that's the case, hopefully it's just an annoyance and nothing more for her.
So much to do. Always. But it's all good. I am lucky/blessed to have the family I have. Legs are slowly getting better with barefoot running. Iodine supplements may be knocking some internals back into place. Life is relatively good.
My goal for this year is to work on my anger. I need to put that energy into shifting the balance.
We live in a fucked up world of humans.
I want some good, valid reasons against veganism. No edge cases (alone on an island with no edible plants but edible animals, people who live in places where they can't sustain themselves on available plants, etc.).
I... just got busy? Actually, I did.
I'm in Oklahoma City right now taking care of mom during her initial recovery from back surgery. We adopted two boy bunnies last week (Bean Sprout and Almond Monroe), but unfortunately I left the day after we brought them home. Can't wait to hang out with them!
I may or may not recap the past few months, but I've been on too many planes and don't want to go anywhere for a while. Still need to visit my dad though.
I made a Twitter account yesterday because the media is so fucking annoying with all this talk about a glorified text messaging app. Twitter has been a buzz-thinger months before the pseudo state of the union. Now people can't toot without talking about tweets.
So I made the account as a protest. My intent is to be both annoying and informative. I'm starting to think that it also gives a better insight into my thought process when I can say one sentence and maybe have it be useless or nonsensical.
Whatever the case, I'm on a mission to write 100 posts a day for 100 days. That's 10,000 posts (tweets, toots, poots, you name it).
Huzzah?
Years and years of stress have pushed me to the opposite of work. I want to play. (Just not outside.)
So I'm getting back into videogames (or is it video games?).
For the iPhone, I've become hooked to SPiN and, in the last two days, Zen Bound, both by Secret Exit. Both games involve rotating 3D objects, but beyond that, they're essentially opposites. Each game is $5 at its lowest price (not sure what the normal price is), and they're worth every penny. I think Zen Bound is my favorite of the two. In third place is Blocked: simple puzzle game that has its highs and lows in complexity.
We've also dusted off and setup our Wii after maybe nine months of disuse? I finally started exploring the Virtual Console and bought Super Mario RPG and Metal Slug 2 (which I read has some amazing pixel art). Mario RPG is worse than I remember graphically, but it's been over 10 years since I played it. I don't think I'll be revisiting it. Metal Slug 2 is a really quirky 2D shooter, but it's fun. And the graphics are nice.
The Virtual Console is a really great idea. And the fact that you can download some Neo Geo and Sega games makes it even cooler. But I noticed with Metal Slug 2 (Neo Geo), the animation starts to get choppy when there are a lot of sprites. Not sure if it's a matter of emulation or if that's a normal thing for older systems in general.
Still, I remember wanting a Neo Geo when I was younger. Back then, the games cost something like $200 and up (yes, games) and the system itself was like $600. So even seeing a mention of Neo Geo brings back memories. At least now I can play some of those games for $8–$12. Yay!
We also bought Super Mario Galaxy last night, and that looks like it'll be tons of fun. Running around orbs is a little disorienting, especially after playing Zen Bound.
Once I fit in more outside activity (I've been running regularly at least for a few weeks now), I will have tons of balanced fun lined up for a while.
Speaking of which, tonight is Lost plus popcorn plus Wii.
I just found out that my once-favorite tortilla chips (after not having bought them for months) have whey.
Why whey? Why?
People might be annoyed at vegans: fine, sure, whatever. But when vegans can't even opt out of things they want to opt out of, that's just so… it's like saying you want to ride your bike everywhere to avoid burning fuel, but 95% of bikes have an engine built into it that does nothing but simultaneously needs fuel to burn for the bike to work.
I just don't want to buy into industries that explicitly hurt and exploit sentient beings. Why is that so much to ask for?
Oh well. There are plenty of other tortilla chip brands that don't have stupid fillers. Yay.
Trader Joe's is starting to worry me. Either they're losing all decency or they've got some stupid people doing or dictating store art: please do not show a happy, smiling cow on skates advertising beef jerky as 'food to go'. Unless cows love to be slaughtered [in the worst ways]. It's a superfluous disregard of reality. Happy animals sauntering around in the sun and grass as part of packaging? Fine, I accept it: it's a plausible reality that helps to hide the truth and sell the product. Happy cow on skates? Happy people being marching into concentration camps: they love what's coming to them.
Also, we've become aware of the fact that a lot of organic farming is not vegan. Specifically, their usage of animal manure and/or other animal ‘byproducts’ for fertilizer (either through buying the waste from factory farms or growing animals themselves). I think some people want to force use to narrow where we get our food from so much that we actually die out.
So, here's a new term: veganic. Vegan, organic. It's a strange concept that apparently didn't get humans far ever.
I should do a post that doesn't relate to veganism soon. Not sure that putting these frustrations here are actually helping me cope.
PS—I'm gaining new respect for fish. I've been tricked into thinking they're stupid and decorative.
Asma and I were down in Fresno yesterday and today for the northern Cali Vegan Freak meetup.
I don't know if I've ever had as much fun with a group of people as I have in the last day. It's hard for me to explain the connection… Everyone was as different as one can expect from nine different people. And yet the simple act of being vegan abolitionists kept things extremely open.
The best part is that I'm not active on the forums, and so I've never interacted in any way with any of these people, but there was a sense of comfort from the start that I rarely get from strangers.
Something that most people miss is that, once we've chosen this path, we've put ourselves in a spot where social norms and hierarchy start to crumble. These rules and traditions just stop making sense all together. It's not just about nonhuman animals (even though that is our focal point of frustration and anger and pain). We start to notice and dissect how deep-rooted everyday wrongs are. And we can vent and empathize openly about it, and have discussions that are non-confrontational, because everyone is receptive to learn and question and respond.
One thing that's understood but never really addressed, which someone at the meetup brought up, is our phases of depression and hopelessness once our eyes are opened. Asma and I are new vegans, and it is a normal feeling initially, but it looks like it's not something that eventually just goes away. Maybe it's managed better, or doesn't happen for long, but it seems like it's always lingering.
That was good to hear from other people, because I have been becoming increasingly negative recently. And being around them was a good outlet for that. The weekend wasn't one downer after another (where's the fun in that?), but even the downers were a good thing. It's something everyone shared, and no one seemed jaded by that feeling.
So, I'm excited to see these people again, in a month hopefully. And we might be hosting a meetup in May.
I never wrote about a vegan wedding we went to last weekend: it was amazing. On the same lines as the meetup. Except that the veganism was exposed to non-vegans in a way that [hopefully] wasn't confrontational. The couple, Victor and Miranda, were just open about their compassion and what they knew. And the gifts they asked for amounted to this: give veganism a chance through a handful of meals each week for a month, and even start to get some exposure to the truth if you wanted to go a little further.
We met the couple and were invited to the wedding somewhat randomly. The night before, we were invited to dinner with them through someone on the forum (Monica) who was supposed to stay the weekend with us. By night's end we were invited to the wedding. And it turned out to be a beautiful ceremony [with a great vegan buffet at the reception]. What more could you want?
On an unrelated note, we met an extremely pregnant and sweet cat in Fresno (one of twenty, apparently, hanging out around the apartment complex). I wish we could've brought her home.
So far, I've read the killed chimpanzee referred to as ‘it’ (don't call him by his name then, asshole). And then there's this tidbit from this article:
The drawing is a reference to the mauling of a woman by a pet chimpanzee, which was then killed by police. In the cartoon, one of the officers tells the other, "They'll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill."
Not who? God forbid it has its own personality, preferences, and thoughts. And then there's this:
Experts say the unusually human relationship would have been confusing for any animal. It may have also played a role in Travis' savage attack Monday on Herold's friend, 55-year-old Charla Nash of Stamford.
"This is a crazy relationship," said Stephen Rene Tello, executive director of Primarily Primates, a sanctuary for chimps in Texas. "He was probably very bonded with her. I can kind of see it in his eyes this is his surrogate mother."
No shit? Some thing that can pick up our sign language (yet we can't decipher theirs), can make tools, can do a lot of things when taught – like a child – and yet, it's really just an oddity because it's capable of doing human things, feeling human emotions, bonding to some other being, but it's not human? Weird, right?
Who would ever fucking expect anything like that from something with blood, bones, muscles, nerve endings, brains, thoughts, emotions, ability to feel pain, and a will to live? Something we're modeled after? Most of all that from this thing that happens to be one of our closest relatives?
(And apparently the fact that Travis was drugged with Xanax beforehand is being ignored.)
I hate sounding angsty in my writings, but fuck humans.
Not necessarily a loaded statement, for today, I am ceasing active development on Moda in lieu of a chance to live less without the constant stress of work. I wish Raymond well with the company. (I've still got documentation to catch up on, but that's an on-going, low-stress project.)
As for me, I'm going to hopefully start focusing and working on the things that fundamentally matter. Music, icon design, video games, my self-anticipated application framework, animal rights awareness, volunteering, running and physical activity, cooking, and, of course, Asma and the babies.
I am exhausted. The past few weeks have been stressful and draining. And it's going to take a few weeks to shed the feeling that, once I wake up, I've got loads of things I need to get done. But that'll fade soon?
I keep imagining a hook being shoved into my ass while I'm still conscious and being hoisted up. And on occasion, my flesh ripping apart and me falling to the ground. Good times, world.
Here's to a better tomorrow!
Oh yeah, so we were in DC from January 23rd through the 29th. And despite it being so cold (after 60+ degrees in winter in Oakland), it was a good visit.
I went to Poplar Spring a couple of times (Asma went three or four times), which was really nice. I missed all the critters and people there. We haven't found any like-minded people here, but hopefully that's only because we haven't gotten out much and not because a lot of those people don't exist here.
Arabelle has gotten huge. She's a little fatty. And I'm now sponsoring her.
Lola looks ridiculous with all her wool.
I also went to work for a day. I miss being around my team, but I can't say that I actually miss being onsite. The vibe is too stuffy. Among other things.
And of course there's the family. And Lily. Lots of wonk under one roof. Lots of ADD too.
And I'm even more convinced now that Sticky Fingers is one of the best vegan places ever. I didn't get a chance to go to Yuan Fu this time, but definitely next. It's odd that DC has my favorite vegan places and that nothing here is as good overall. Well, there's Millenium, but we can't exactly drop $100 on dinner whenever we want.
I need to put up pictures soon to compensate for the insightful fluff.
I'm winding down work with VarLabs. The idea that I'll have free time soon is starting to take over my will to work. I can finally start to repair my brain and body after 3.5 years of stress and workaholicness. And start getting active in this new, ugly world.
Right now, it's in the mid-60s, and it's been like this for over a week. I've been out and about more in the last week than in the last several months (largely because my brother was visiting all last week).
Right now, I'm sitting in this tiny coffee shop called Cafe 504 which has good coffee, free wifi, and is a little over a mile away. This is gold for me, because I've been let down with a lot of other coffee shops in the area. It's tucked away in a small neighborhood, so it's not teeming with people. I might be coming back several times a week to work from here.
I've been riding my bike more often (meaning, so far, three times in the past week). It's growing on me a lot. Still not sure if I'll approach it as a sport like running, but it'll be nice to get around without a car or BART (even though I've been avoiding BART and CalTrain for several weeks now).
Speaking of running, Asma and I have finally figured out our knee problems! Despite the physical therapy, addition of leg exercises, and laying off running in general, we've both started to re-develop our knee pain that started back in November of 2007. We went to See Jane Run and the lady their did a gait analysis of Asma with Asma's current running shoes on. She said that the shoes seemed right for her feet, but that there was still some pronation. She suggested Asma try Superfeet and commented that her general gait looked a lot better.
It seemed pretty promising and made sense – I bought Superfeet for myself over two years ago, but I only used it for walking. It made an immediate difference back then, because my feet and calves no longer hurt from normal walking. But it never crossed my mind to try it in running shoes. (After all, with motion control and all that, one would expect the shoe to take care of supporting the arch better.)
When we got back home, Asma went for a short run and said she felt absolutely no problems with her knees. I went out for a short run today and am extremely happy to say that I also had no issues with my knees and calves feeling off in any way. And this despite my left knee feeling strange prior to running (probably from riding yesterday) and my right knee slightly off from a run on Saturday.
So all those months of taking it easy, and the thoughts of me not being able to run long distances ever, may have been for nothing. We'll still need to give things a try over longer distances (+3 miles), but we're hopeful now that we won't run into these issues again as long as we crosstrain.
My days aren't structured in a traditional way, which is good and bad. I just need to get out of the apartment more to work and I'll feel a little more balanced, I think.
Ok, time to pack up and grab some things from Trader Joe's before I head home. We're visiting DC on Friday. I'm worried about the cold.
Last night, Asma and I were just chilling when we started to notice odd things outside. Part of our block was blocked off at one point, and there were multiple helicopters flying around downtown, a couple with spotlights shining down. And there was a larger police presence than usual.
It turned out to be a protest against the shooting of Oscar Grant that had been going on for hours and had just recently made its way into downtown.
We went to check it out and were surprised to see the number of people, and, on top of that, a lot of police in riot gear. We were at the end of the mass of people clustered in the city center. The police were breaking it apart, moving groups in different directions. The group we ended up following set two cars on fire and broke a lot of car windows and some store fronts.
It was eerie and tense at times. I got to smell tear gas for the first time. Out of the three protests I've ever been to, I actually enjoyed being part of this. This is what I expect people to do when they're angry. Don't plan shit out in advance and have the roads nicely blocked off. Go out and actually disrupt things.
At the same time, I really wish that people didn't have to set cars on fire and break glass. If they're really mad at the police, they should be attacking the police. Obviously that has harsher consequences, but they're the people you're protesting against, not everyone else.
The crowd seemed to thin out over time, but I wish more people were protesting from the start. Oscar did not have to get shot. The video evidence is pretty clear that it was beyond excessive.
Wake up.
[sudo] lookupd -flushcache # os x 10.4
[sudo] dscacheutil -flushcache # os x 10.5
I've had reservations about Obama from the start, and just when I thought I was warming up to him, he starts to fail.
I've disliked Blagojevich not long after he first became governor.
Hmm.
It also doesn't help that I'm already tired of Obama as president even though he isn't officially one. Why do multi-billion dollar media companies lack the ability to do something more than cover missing white girls and crazy snowfall [that apparently aren't supposed to disrupt peoples' lives] and news conferences and speculation on upcoming news conferences.
Need to be optimistic and open to being proven somewhat wrong.
First, I don't know when I'm going to start putting more time into this site, but I always hope that it's soon. I'm waiting on a time when I can get back to some personal projects. I'm going to make some nifty open source software that people will loveeeeeeeee (at least in my head, and all those extras e's are a result of me nodding off for a split second).
Second, I hate PETA. They're disingenuous, hypocritical, overly self-righteous, and above all else, not for the well-being of animals. I'm really disappointed in celebrities. This is like Scientology.
Third, whatever I said on June 1 about On the whole, I will be following a vegan diet: no more 'on the whole', and no more 'diet'. The longer I've stayed away from animal products, the more clear it's become how cruel people are. I can't do it. I can't condone it. I will do what I can to help push for a society that won't exploit animals (people included).
Fourth, what's the real need to bless meat? Is it just a bullshit ritual, or is this the attempt of the religious folk to justify the action? Clearly, uttering a few words does nothing to make the meat edible. And no one blesses every harvested fruit or vegetable. I dunno. It just struck me as either an odd thing or an admission of guilt, at least for those who go by the idea of halal.
Fifty, Merry.
Tonight's weather might be the most perfect it's felt at night since we moved here. The wind is coming through in bursts at a cool 71° and the scent of chocolate chip cookies are filling the living room.
We still aren't settled in, but right now we're feeling pretty good.
