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Journal | Archives
Tired and strained eyes make for bad company. Especially when they latch on to images a couple of seconds too long or start to fall down.
I nodded off for a second while passing a semi.
The first half of the trip was good, though. I had music playing loud and sang along, and I thought that would keep me from getting sleepy. Alas, no. Strong stimulants will be needed next time. (I went to campus yesterday to retrieve the remainder of my junk, minus a disassemblable utility shelf.)
Work is a drag. My throat is a bit sore and I've been sneezing more frequently – a minor cold?
Ah, but Episode II comes out tonight! This should be much better than the first. And I'm sure Jar-Jar will pop his head up, but they wisely took him out of the trailor to appease and fool the masses. I will be accompanied by my brother, a couple of his friends, and the lovely Andrew. That leaves one spare ticket for any takers in the area. Oh, and 24 was shocking, no? I didn't even think that _____ was the mole. I've been had. Next episode will be pimp, I'm assuming. But did they make a mistake when they said ‘season’ finale instead of ‘series’ finale? Or should I expect Another 24?
I really need some inspiration right about now.
The most overused article of clothing in my limited and overly recycled wardrobe is a nice pair of Gap bootcut jeans (which Ryan and Derek also own, but that's purely coincedence – we don't have a ‘guys' night out’ and buy matching outfits). Because of the continous trials of hugging my hips and gut – and lower body in general – there's a nice worn-out fade to it (along with washing, of course). It doesn't have that lively dark blue. I dig it.
I'm now sitting in my office (yes, no cubicle like last summer, although Pat says that I may have to move eventually). The computer I'm using is fast, equipped with a 19 in monitor, and now recognizing me as an admin (so I can actually change settings on this thing). Speakers come standard, so there's no need to lug my pair of cheap (crafted by Link himself) mini-speakers from home. All that remains is that I bring tomorrow the following: Illustrator, Photoshop, InDesign, and massive amounts of MP3s. My work assignments are fairly slim for now, moreso than ever. Oh well. Things shall pick up. Or these few things will be stretched into long battles by the Natural Laws of Buearacracy.
I finished the remaining 10 episodes of Hellsing last evening (because of which I taped Boston Public onto the drive that I store my e-mail which led to the crisis this morning). The series is pretty cool overall: it's always fun to see Protestants and Catholics go at it, and Alucard is the perhaps the coolest character I've come across. Still, there are some things that need to be addressed.
First, it's a little too cheesy at times: the dialogue, some minor scenes, and Lady Integral Windgate Hellsing's name. It's what we come to expect from the Japanese, yes, but maybe they tried a little too hard?
Second, while the drawings are generally nice, some scenes are rerun too many times (remember the ghoul army attacking Hellsing HQ) or they appear to be drawn with less care than other scenes. I might be a bit too critical for this assumption, though.
Third, some things are lacking from the plot (for my sake, delve a bit deeper into the formation of the Hellsing Institution and the creation of vampires). Tying into this is the ‘ending’, which I hope is just for the first season and not the entire series: where was Celes in the end scenes? When Alucard's face flashed in the lightening, what exactly was he supposed to resemble? The western depiction of Jesus?
Fourth, Lady Integral is hot: they've done a disservice to constantly dress her up more manly.
Here come the ‘I'm kinda bored and sorta have nothing to do even though I do’ posts…
I just lost over a year's worth of e-mail because I temporarily didn't have any space left on the HD last night. It gave some error about not being able to write the table of contents.
Whatever the error, it's total bullshit. Stupid thing could have first made sure that no space was available before trying to write to the disk instead of deleting everything to make room.
I'm quite upset now.
But it's only one mailbox, and I can cover from roughly five months ago. Better that I didn't lose everything, or that I don't totally start from scratch, right?
Our basement has flooded. The pump is most probably broken, and it's not just an isolated problem: all the local hardware stores are out of stock for pumps and the pump-fixer people (some might be called plumbers, others might not?) are booked for repairs and other such things. So I can't lift downstairs (I bought a full set of weights, bars, and a bench some years ago. Olympic-sized weights and bars at that), and our 6 in grass needs mowing but I can't do that either because it's still a bit damp.
Now, if only 80% of the bookshelf space in my room wasn't filled with things that aren't mine, all boxes would be empty.
I better be unchubby by August.
This day has been so long. I didn't sleep at all last night. On the drive to Springfield, I nodded off several times (split second intervals) which made me think of either letting Tiff drive (I gave that bum a ride home) or pull over and take a nap. Of course, Tiff fell asleep before I could ask and I kept saying to myself there isn't much time left. I couldn't wake myself up, but there were a few rushes of adrenaline from realizing that the minivan was going into the other lane or onto the shoulder.
I lost my keys last night for a few hours. Searched everywhere, was utterly perplexed. And then I moved Ryan's CD case (which was on my bed – I was ripping albums) and found a set of keys that resembled my own. And then I felt like an idiot for checking under the bedsheets and pillows but not under this large case.
Moving in the rain is not fun. Especially when clothes fall out of the minivan and into a puddle. And you're the only one to carry boxes and open doors.
But I'm home. My room is a terrible mess right now, but I don't have the heart to organize and clean tonight – I've been entranced by Fox and CNN (I don't suppose anyone else watched Wolf Blitzer's interview with Arafat?), and eating junk. My family still isn't back yet; they missed a connection flight because another flight was delayed and so their ETA is five hours later than planned. Damn delays.
Anyway, I'm not going to start work tomorrow. I just can't. I need a full day to settle down, get my room somewhat nice, and find another home for all the junk I take but never actually use. Tuesday the enslavement to boredom begins.
Now I'll close my eyes and let imagination take over.
I: catch four hours of sleep after the shots; wake up and puke three times in roughly three hours; realize that I have only 3.5 hours left to finish my paper; make lunch; am ready to give up with two hours left; change mind, crank out around two shitty pages; turn in ‘paper’ to TA, who says upon seeing me, ‘Shahid! Glad to see you made it on time,’ or something like that; realize that I'm a total dipshit for the stunt I pulled in receiving my second F of the semester.
I feel a bit strange that the semester has ended, and ended on a sour note at that. Summer seems…a bit bleek? But I'm just setting myself up to expect the worse. It won't be bad at all. I just have to not let work get to me and make the most of my time on the weekends and in the evenings.
And then there are the after-graduation thoughts, but no use in thinking of those things just yet. (Aside from finding a job for the first few years in, say, Manhattan. Maybe California a few years afer that? Or never…wink, wink, wink, wink, wink)
I'm going to miss everyone. It was nice to live in a house, despite the run-down condition of this place and the general slobbishness. Just the fact that friends are living in the same place is nice.
Alright, there's no use in looking back too much. I'll stare forward. And pack. For hours. Joy.
It's practically 4 AM and I have twelve hours to turn in my history paper. Oh, and I spent the last three hours downstairs playing videogames. And drinking four shots of Paige's Jim Beam (I'm not trashed, just buzzing a good amount). I scuffed up my left knee and Jeff twisted my wrist all weird which had me on the ground in seconds. It all points to be being ‘fucked,’ as you Americans say. Birds are always chirping. I have five hours of sleep under my belt in the last…43 hours. Must not move from my chair until this paper is finished. Even if it means not going to the bathroom (which is useless, because there's next to no toilet paper left in this house).
Time to drink water and think.
Roughly two months have gone by without me trimming my hair. It's a bit of a hassle as far as neatness and order goes, but it's also fun to spike up and poof out. However, the top of my scalp is still in view. Thin hair is thin hair.
I'm back to my plan of achieving Super Saiyan-length hair.
My music project is finally finished. Thanks go to Arun for being an indirect creative spark. (I thrashed around on the on-screen keyboard out of despair – in Arun's presence – and found a texture that I liked. The rest is today's history.)
Now to cap off the year with a stupid history paper. The night is so long.
The old ‘trial and error’ method is leaving something in the form of frustration.
I grin madly sometimes when I'm tired and far behind on work and need to rub my face for invigoration. I yawn, lips get distorted.
Squirrels chewed through my and Ryan's ethernet cable, but they didn't bother with Derek's. That was a very strange event.
The parking ticket was $50.
Milano cookies on sale at Target for $1.66 – buy many packages and be happy. And don't drink Cuervo gold and Sprite, because it's not tasty.
Once again, gotta start music.
I borrowed Ryan's pancake mix and cooked the entire batter in my large pan, which resulted in a large pancake. I topped it with Country Crock spread and syrup, stepped out onto the porch, and ate the monstrosity out of the pan with a fork.
And I saw a pink parking ticket on Kirk's car which stated this: ‘You are in violation of a city ordinance by parking a vehicle on a front lawn in an area in which no grass or plants grow and is only filled with mud and brick steps.’
Outside, birds are chirping, the sky is slightly overcast, and a cool, somewhat damp breeze is blowing. The weather has been like this for the past three or four days maybe. It's nice.
I will now drink coffee and either read history or work on music. It all feels over, and yet it isn't, and yet it is.
Exams are finished. That still leaves two non-trivial tasks to be completed by Friday. Wanna know the great thing? I don't have to leave the house until Friday. And I just might do that.
Rain has a wonderful way of making the outside prettier. (Except when things become muddy and parts of puddles find their way into your shoes when you least want them.)
Among the stack of textbooks I gave my parents to take home, my poli sci book was one of them. If the library doesn't have the copy already checked out, I'm on my way to Springfield for the evening.
A friend e-mailed me a question about what specific reading would be from one chapter in our poli sci book. I thought it was strange that he's studying five days before the final, so I checked the syllabus.
It turns out the final is tomorrow. Which isn't good, because I have to study for databases too. Which means an inevitable all-nighter. Excellent.
Thank God he e-mailed. I don't think I would've checked the syllabus today if it wasn't for that. This would've been the third time, I think, that I missed or was nearly going to miss a test because I had it set in my mind for another day.
Time to cram.
(Playing Monopoly until the sun comes up is fun. Happy birthday, Derek. Vayate plantos.)
After the calamitous physics final, I was at a loss for things to do before my parents came to drop off the minivan. (My dad is going out of town for a week starting tomorrow, and my mom and brother are leaving to join him on Wednesday. Thus, I'm moving back home myself.)
I dabbled around with the site for a bit before lying down which didn't last long before I decided to just wait for them on the porch. So I went out and paced for a minute in the cool air and lush sunshine. Then I stopped and stared at Lincoln Ave. from the steps.
Things couldn't have felt more perfect at that moment. There was nothing extraordinary, but the sun added a touch of life to the trees and plants and cars and buildings and people that I normally didn't pay attention to. It was so serene. I had to take a picture.
Andrew and I shot the shit for an hour or so until my family arrived (Hasan drove by himself all the way here – my parents better let him drive around by himself more). We chit-chatted in the yard for a few minutes. I broke the news about my forthcoming F in physics; they were cool with it, which isn't totally surprising since they were possibly expecting it after I told them I failed the midterm. And my mom wanted to take some pictures. Of the few taken, I'm most looking forward to the one where she stood next to Andrew – a 5'1" lady and a 6'1", +250 lb guy? Classic.
My mom also asked me a few times if I wanted to go get ice cream. I would've said yes, but I had to pass, unfortunately – everyone was going out to Chinese soon. I feel bad…she didn't want to leave after seeing me for just twenty minutes. But I'll be home all summer starting next week.
Chinese was fun. Everyone in the house went out to dinner together for the first time this year, plus a few other folks. It was basically to celebrate Derek's 21st birthday. Stories and musings were exchanged (although the two ends of the table were a little too separate), pseudo-wasabi was consumed and its burning effects enjoyed, and sugar was put into Neil's hot & sour soup. There are two regrets, though:
– I forgot to get one of the waiters to take a picture of us all
– They charged extra for everything! I totally expected to pay $7.99 plus tax for the buffet – not even. Not only was the price jacked up to $11, but they also charged another $2 for drinks, just because it's the weekend! The nerve of them. It's not that I'm totally cheap (I blow money on my own frivolous tastes), but I don't enjoy paying nearly double on the same exact deal that's cheaper on a weekday.
– (optional) There was some confusion that two people in the party didn't pay, but that missing party left early and in fact paid early in the process.
I don't think anyone left a tip.
Cameras are fun. Neil wanted to take a picture of me taking a picture of him. (I think) at my suggestion, I said Arun, Neil and I should take a picture of each other taking a picture of each other. So we scrambled into various formations in the living to try to get everyone within each other's viewport. No success. We ran around the front yard hoping the extra space would provide for a suitable configuration and laughing at the silliness of our actions. No success on the former. So I said that Neil should take a picture of me and Arun taking a picture of him, then Arun would take a picture of me and Neil taking a picture of him, then I would take a picture of Arun and Neil taking a picture of me. And thus our adventure came to an end.
Goodness, I need to start studying for database systems.
Kaiser's footsteps thundered endlessly in fleeting despair. For weeks he'd been running, trying to escape this most vile of predators, but he always made the mistake of looking back. With each look, the gangly mass of words and numbers advanced a step closer, closer and closer still, countless streams of photons absorbed and emitted in excitement, until its hands lay waste to him.
Kaiser fell. His mouth parted, partially from chagrin, partially from amusement. And so it began.
—Did you like my final? barked Quantum Physics.
—No, replied Kaiser, eyes filled with emptiness and fright and complacency.
—Did it take you 20 minutes to finish?
—Yes?
—Did you fill in ‘B’ for 25 out of 36 questions?
—Oh yeah?
—Did you study two days ago?
—No.
—Did you study yesterday?
—No.
—Did you study today?
—Uh uh.
—Did you miss all my quizzes?
—Uh huh.
—And did you miss most of my homework?
—Uh huh! Oh yes, yes.
—And you failed my midterm?
—Mmmmhmm.
—Were you a bad student?
—Oh god, yes, I was a very bad student.
—You deserved to fail, didn't you?
—OH YES! YES!
outside's pretty, outside's cool
outside makes me hate my school
i want to walk outside right now
but physics calls and i ate cows
we grilled today and that was fun
i smelled of smoke and that's no pun
i will fail without a doubt
and on this page i will much pout
so a lesson to ye who will listen
fun and tease and much head glisten
all I knew, all I believed
crumbling images
no longer comfort me.
scramble to
reach higher ground,
order and sanity,
something to comfort me.
take what is mine, hold what is mine,
suffocate what is mine, bury what's mine.
soon the water will come
and claim what is mine.
I must leave it behind,
and climb to a new place now.
this ground is not the rock I
thought it to be.
thought I was high, thought I was free
thought I was there
divine destiny.
I was wrong.
this changes everything.
runnin away, runnin away
stop runnin away, runnin away
stop runnin away, runnin away
stop runnin away, runnin away
I will take what is mine, hold what is mine,
suffocate what is mine, bury what's mine.
soon the water will come
and claim what is mine.
I must leave it behind
and climb to a new place
water's rising up on me,
said the water's rising up on me.
thought the sun would come deliver me,
but the truth has come to punish me instead.
the ground is breaking down right under me.
cleanse and purge me in the water.
—Tool, ‘Flood’
The lyrics and music and vocals are so alluring. I can't get enough of this song.
The party last night was pretty damn cool. At least it would've been if I enjoyed it. I felt out of place—everyone had their other friends, so I tended to be kinda left alone while everyone chit-chatted with everyone else. People would pass by and say ‘hey’ and whatnot but then they'd have to go find someone else or maybe someone else would interrupt and say ‘hey’ to them. (I'm not fun to talk to. Loss of words on my part.)
It was interesting to observe, I guess. Getting drunk wouldn't have helped any.
How ironic is it that the new package of undershirts I bought at the beginning of the year was just opened today?
If it ever rains, and if there are ever puddles or some damp, soft things, there will always be a few taking showers. It happens every summer in our yard with the sprinklers on. Wiggly used to roll around in large, washed pieces of lettuce that we put in her cage. It happened today outside the art building, in the puddles under the fence. I felt bad for disturbing them.
Now begins the wrapping up of classes. All my finals will suck due to a lack of problem solving skills, or mountains of reading to catch up on, or a combination of both. Thankfully those are only three in number and spaced out. Then there's a normal test. And the grand finale: my music project. Instead of taking the final, Paul is open to doing something else in its place, such as a project. I plan on lumping project #3 with the final-replacement project together. Some grand, extended piece mixing various elements of other project ideas. I don't have to do this extra project, but I didn't do too well on the first project and midterm, so this could boost my grade up to an A in the end (a ‘higher of the two grades’ thing), I hope.
If you live in the Chambana area, come to 806 W. Oregon tonight at 9. Some live bands are playing here. And I guess there's beer?
Music203 is perhaps the most interesting class I've yet to take. Sadly, I skipped it more times than I wanted to (finishing other things that were procrastinated upon plus non-mandatory attendance).
What makes so interesting, aside from learning about different modern composers and styles? The instructor himself. Paul Oehlers had all these funny stories and his way of telling them. And he knows a few ‘famous’ people: Phillip Glass, George Crum, and the guy who does music for The Simpsons.
Actually, it's the story about The Simpsons that prompted me to jot this down. Paul was actually at the studio while they were making last week's episode (Homer turns into the Incredible Hulk). Their initial concept was using milk and cookies: get one cookie, bees fly out of a hive; get another cookie, a cage falls down; get the milk, and yellow and blue paintballs shoot out at Homer, making him turn green. While all this was happening, some camera angles from The Godfather were supposed to be mimicked. Obviously, none of this got through. They changed it to the diapers thing, and the cactuses were put in without the knowledge of the American team (the episodes are inked and animated in Korea).
Pretty spiff, eh? Now I'm going to pick up my 3D and sit tight until the final crit. I don't like crits. I feel stupid up in front of the class. But that's only because my work sucks.
