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it’s almost 2003


word
up
!!!!

Makeup is always fun. I wish I had a sister now.

hola, Cubanos

In less than twelve hours, my family and I will embark on a journey that crosses many state lines and eventually ends in south Florida. Florida, the Dirty Asscrack of the East.

I don't know why I dislike my former home state. I do know that Orlando is a forsaken land, and I hope never to set foot in its city limits again. I'll be one of the few parents who tells their kids that they can't go to Disney World until they're old enough to take care of themselves. (Contingent upon a female willing to help continue to the Shahid line, and sterility at a minimum.)

We'll spend Friday night in Norcross, Georgia with some family friends, and a day and night in Gainesville, Florida (home of The Aeffect) in what is turning out to be a massive reunion of Bangladeshi families of yore, which should be interesting in the least. I like to hear peoples' reactions when they haven't seen me since the early '90s.

If I saw myself after so long, I'd think, ‘Hey! You went from short and plump to taller and tubby! You're losing hair too! But you have decent taste in clothing now. Wow!’

And then to Ft. Lauderdale on Sunday in what will inadvertently be a family reunion – all my mom's siblings and families (which comes to 20 people, including us – small family). This hasn't happened in a decade. Maybe more. It should be a grand time.

I only wish that we didn't have to drive.

Warm weather is all the rage apparently, and everyone thinks I'm lucky for going on this trip. I shrug, physically and verbally. Maybe I'll be at some wild New Year's Eve party and shack up with a hot Latina girl.

Happy calendar flipping and leaf turning to all.

(What follows is a tracklisting of the five-disc Florida Anthology that will fill my ears when I'm awake and not driving. The lack of fluidity is a result of my desire to not spend too much time in arranging songs, since I spent three hours just picking them. I devised a simple yet effective algorithm to do aid in my choices.)

Disc 1
01. Neutral Milk Hotel – April 1st
02. Nine Inch Nails – Purest Feeling
03. Victor Wooten – Sometimes I Laugh
04. Brotha Lynch Hung – Die; 1 By 1
05. Blondie – Heart of Glass
06. Radiohead – Bones
07. Pedro the Lion – Never Leave a Job Half Done
08. Hieroglyphics – Heat
09. Bela Fleck & the Flecktones – The Sinister Minister
10. At the Drive-In – Metrinome Arthritis
11. George Clinton – One Nation Under a Groove
12. Digital Underground, Tupac – Same Song
13. Tool – Prison Sex
14. Bjork – Joga
15. Can – Future Days
16. Warren G – Super Soul Sis
17. Aphex Twin – Goon Gumpas

Disc 2
01. The Roots – The Seed (2.0)
02. The Aeffect – Complex Complications
03. Tool – Gaping Lotus Experiment
04. Stereo Total – Adieu Adieu
05. Suga T – If I Took Your Boyfriend
06. Aceyalone – Deep and Wide
07. Smashing Pumpkins – Once Upon a Time
08. Aphex Twin – Next Heap With
09. Nine Inch Nails – Suck
10. Saafir – Just Riden'
11. Portishead – Mysterons
12. Jamiroquai – Butterfly
13. Del – Town to Town
14. Clutch – The Dragonfly
15. Neutral Milk Hotel – April 18th / Pree Sisters Swallowing a Donkey's Eye [abridged]
16. Q And Not U – So Many Animal Calls
17. Whoridas – Shot Callin' & Big Ballin'

Disc 3
01. Saafir – Ball Point
02. Brotha Lynch Hung – Season of Da Siccness
03. The Aeffect – Burning in the Bed of Fire
04. Tool – Sweat
05. Rufus, Chaka Khan – Tell Me Something Good
06. Nine Inch Nails – Burn
07. Pedro the Lion – A Mind of Her Own
08. Big Nous, Saafir – Family Shit
09. Bjork – Hunter
10. Clutch – Escape from the Prison Planet
11. A Perfect Circle – Orestes
12. Can – Bring Me Coffee or Tea
13. Company Flow – Patriotism [with Intro]
14. The Detachment Kit – Dead Angels Make Slow Sound

Disc 4
01. Can – Moonshake
02. Dianogah – American Dipper
03. UGK – Hiside
04. Thomas Dolby – She Blinded Me with Science
05. Smashing Pumpkins – Blank Page
06. Portishead – Western Eyes
07. Saafir – Skanless
08. Nine Inch Nails – Eraser
09. Squarepusher – Port Rhombus
10. Tool – Triad
11. Modest Mouse – Dramamine
12. Lil Wayne – Block Burner
13. The Icarus Line – SPMC
14. Radiohead – Blow Out
15. Stretch Arm Strong – Transmission Demolition

Disc 5
01. At the Drive-In – Starslight
02. The Click – Wolf Tickets
03. The Aeffect – Insomnia
04. The Roots – 100% Dunde
05. Radiohead – Like Spinning Platese
06. At the Drive-In – Heliotrope
07. Outkast – Mainstream
08. Ravi Shankar & Philip Glass – Ragas in Minor Scale
09. Dianogah – Spiral Bound
10. Nine Inch Nails – The Becoming
11. Tool – Undertow
12. The DOC – The Formula
13. Aceyalone – The Guidelines
14. Smashing Pumpkins – Thru the Eyes of Ruby
15. Marilyn Manson – The Man that You Fear
16. Dr. Dre, RBX – High Powered


…and it wasn't a fuck
it was a waste of my motherfuckin time…

consumers come in several dozens

And White Oaks Mall always gives me an ackward feeling. Like I don't belong with all the trashy people there. So many people out for sales. (I just wanted to see what Gap had. Nothing.)

I got a Nachos Bell Grande out of the trip, though. First time in 5–8 years. Good stuff.

Now I'll leave work early because I literally have nothing to do.

white is bad

I was hoping for another snowless winter, but my wish was ungranted yesterday. The clear roads during lunch turned to shit four hours later.

Today has been a waste. What have I done? Besides shuffling through all sorts of songs and having laughs with my brother. And getting annoyed at things.

Dear Santa, please put a stop to Bush Jr and the right-wing bunch, kick Ariel Sharon in the testicles repeatedly, stop all the hypocrisy going in politics (unless someone can explain to me how Saudi Arabia hasn't committed human rights violations or grown terrorists), and make the world more sensible (but not perfect).

My back is itching.

twelve albums

In the order that they'll be listened to.

Pedro the Lion – It's Hard to Make Friends
Saafir – Trigonometry
Radiohead – Ok Computer
Gary Numan – The Pleasure Principle
Aphex Twin – Selected Ambient Works, Volume II
MC Paul Barman – Paullelujah!
Nine Inch Nails – The Fragile
El P – Fantastic Damage
The Detachment Kit – They Raging. Quiet Army.
Dr. Dre – The Chronic
At the Drive-In – Relationship of Command

They will be listened to at work – over the course of two days – in the old school fashion of a Discman and authentic, store-bought pressings. Except for Pedro, which was burned for me by Pete.

The number twelve is purely coincedental to the twelve days of Christmas (whatever theory that is). Numbers have a way of popping up coincedentally in all aspects of life. Respect the Nineteen.

doldrum, take infinity

The routine continues once again as I sit in a cubicle in the basement of the Illinois Department of Public Health. I'm at Lily's computer, since she's gone for the week. And then I leave for a week and come back to my old [and newly vacated] office.

I effectively work for 13 days this break, excluding take-home work from American Licorice. That's survivable, I think.

I must pack healthy foods while I'm at work, go home and exercise every day, and then never browse through the pantries at home except when I'm starving. Once I get into the habit again (as I did during summer), the fat will slowly, slowly melt away.

There are three good songs to start a sunny Monday morning: ‘Rolodex Propaganda’, ‘The Truth About Iowa’, and ‘Gave Up’.

For the sake of ‘professionalism’ (and to not draw too much attention to my already ackward movements), Daireese and Felix will not ride alongside my hip during work. But they will chill in my bag. Red shoe laces are still legit. Especially since it's Christmas.

As usual, my mom gripes about my social ineptitude and lack of some etiquette. It's not enough that I'm generally quiet and polite. And, apparently, I shouldn't hang around with the younger kids at these dinners. I should talk to that new grad student, and sit with the uncles.

I just finished a piece of cake and a mini chocolate-covered donut.

I'm getting cold.

not exactly a finish

The last final was like a defeat, despite doing better than I was hoping. But my mind went blank on a few problems I should've solved, so much so that I couldn't even bring myself to write a partial answer in the spaces. There are doodles, letterforms, and attempts at problems on the back of an answer sheet, all scratch. I really should've written something down.

I wanted to scream out loud so many times during the exam. I've had that urge too many times this semester. It's never happened before.

Well, I should start packing and cleaning eventually. Too many things I plan to dump at home or potentially use.

There isn't a feeling of relief right now. Just a headache, and a voice telling me not keep fucking things up.

damn you, Bright Eyes

Maybe the epitomy of emo, but the music from ‘Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh’ is buzzing through my head for some reason. And I haven't listened to it in several days. But I am now. What a whiner.

red little lump leaves blood along the sidewalks

And so I sat alone at the small, circular, decorated table in the back of Espresso Royale, near the stairs, staring at the light flakes of falling snow.

A girl came in. Oriental; I want to say Korean. Pretty face, like a doll. Black cap, cream- and blacked-striped scarf (lines like a fading cross-hatch with only vertical strokes), black leather coat. A small green canvas bag with buttons and patches rested squarely on her lower back. A short, petit body to carry her.

There was something about her walk, a mix of casual and confident, if those are the right words. But I'm terrible with those details, acute observations.

She ordered her drink and sat down two tables in front of me. She took off her jacket, revealing a white dress shirt over a black t-shirt (red-sleeved, cute cartoon character on the front). A metal-studded belt circled around her tiny waist and dark grey pin-striped pants.

It was all mesmerizing, for whatever reason. Something beautiful to focus on. Who cares if I had half a semester's worth of material on my table waiting to be learned?

I wanted to talk to her, I really did. But I could never do something like that, walking up to an unknown girl. And then I had this pathetic idea that I could go up to get a drink and pass by her, pass her again on the way back. She'd take notice of Daireese and Felix suspended on my left, say that they're cute, ask where I got them from. I'd tell her the short stories behind both, introduce myself.

We'd start talking, those routine things you ask another student – what's your major, what year are you, where do you live, etc.. Things would slowly build from there. Little things to laugh about. One of us would move our things to the other's table, and we'd sit there talking, reading, studying, catching glimpses of each other's eyes, lips, smiles.

She'd have to leave. Phone numbers would be exchanged; hell, even screen names and emails, because this is the culture we're living in. And we'd talk over break. Maybe I'd come up one weekend and we'd go on a date.

Things would develop from there. Or maybe they wouldn't. But at least there was a chance.

No such thing could ever happen. My heart pounded at the thought of walking past her. For several minutes, I wavered between taking the path closest or farthest to her to get to the counter. I chose the closest.

On the way back with my vanilla strawberry mocha, she moved the chair with her bag out of the way for me. We made brief eye contact; I smiled and said thanks, and looked away.

I made frequent glances at her because her back was towards me. She eventually left. All I could do was sit and watch her walk away, casually and confidently, out the door. It could have been the last time my eyes will get to gaze at her. At least there's a part of me she dragged out with her, bouncing around and scraping along campus.

I could try to build my courage for that moment when we cross paths again.

If we cross paths again.

I might as well believe that I'm a genius.

theater seating

The only reason there are seats in the first two row areas is because they want to sell more tickets. Nevermind that it's hell to watch a movie so close.

Two Towers was good, though. Dave and I switched rooms before the next showing so that we could get better seats, and we did. I need to read the trilogy over break, most certainly. I need to start studying for my last final as well. Someday.

windstruck

Victor caught the words spray-painted on a door in the stairwell of the second floor of the Mechanical Engineering Building, across from room 218: ‘PENTHOUSE’.

We'd just finished our schmoozing and whatnot after our eng199 presentation (our report and proposal turned in as well, a huge load off my mind) and we were about to leave for home. But Victor decided to explore, so Jason and I followed.

We passed through a door labeled ‘RESISTOR ROOM’. The room lacked all the niceties, save a couple of chairs, a bland table, and a microwave in the corner. Grey metal boxes lined the far wall, probably hiding the main power switches to the building. Whatever. Victor opened a side door out onto the roof.

It felt incredible up there.

Nothing spiritual. But viewing the lights and the Union on an equal level, and feeling the cool breeze after a rain, all after a few hours of sleep and a report that never finished itself and listening to three hours of presentations, was a welcome change.

Being on the roof made me miss Bangladesh. Poor as it is, that's one luxury any apartment dweller had, going up to the roof. Having that elevated viewpoint, seeing the people pass below, listening to everyday life, scaring folks with laser pointers – good times. Too many lawsuits in America to have such open access to nifty suicide spots.

The weather is strangely warm today. Early autumnish. Puddles scattered about, lights shining from the ground. Very lovely. I should take a long walk.

if this made sense

Negative terabytes. Third time this has ever happened, twice in the last two weeks:

wtf??

On the bright side, I took a pen and pad into the bathroom to jot down notes, a time-saving move. I ended up writing on my thighs. Wrote my last name in Bengali a couple of times, random symbols, and a left-handed phrase on my right thigh:

hand
my left
with
adept
more
_______
swinger
dodge

I'm trying to become ambidexterous. The practice is slowly paying off.

Hamtaro

Must keep 9:30 open every morning…

trace a parallelogram

(With your feet.
On the quad.
End-to-end.
Six times.
Because it's a splendid day outside.
And you have time to kill.
Among other things.)
Walk to your final.
Sit down at a seat.
Glance at the top of your left hand.
(It reads:

it's hard to think when
your mind goes blank
you just can't think when
your mind goes blank)

Question yourself.
(Why am I here?
You automatically failed the class.
Your homework is 3 points from a 50% average.)
Take one copy of the stapled problems.
Pass the rest down to your right.
Keep your head up.
Look around.
Look at the other two hundred students.
(Their heads are down.
They are looking over the problems.)
Take one answer packet.
Pass the rest down to your right.
Write your name, id, and alias.
Circle ‘U’ for undergrad.
Flip through the first seven pages.
Write ‘I don't know’ on each one.
Vary the look of the responses.
Hand in your final.
(‘You're giving up already?’)
Respond with a smile and ‘yes’.
Walk away.
Go to The Cookie Jar.
Buy a stuffed butter cream cookie.
Come home.
Make Lipton tea.
Be experimental.
Mix honey with Carnation evaporated milk.
Indulge in your life failures.

a night of bad anime

Well, it's not that Orphen and Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust are as bad as they are a bit cliché, especially the latter. I didn't expect Bloodlust to transform into a story about true love and holding on to dreams, about opening yourself up to trust and to care for others, etc.. So tacky.

Yet the tears tried to poke out of my tired eyes. Only because I was tired.

air of lethargy

The sky wasn't too bright, nor the wind too strong, nor the weather too cold as I walked to the Union Bookstore. Daireese ‘Derry’ Strawberry made her debut on campus, with Felix Dragonfly to accompany her.

they are cute, and perhaps too feminine for me. but i don't care.

Cost Plus World Market

This craft and food store behind Borders is just wonderful. There's the craft store smell, a variety of items on display, edible goodies from random places, and an overall wholesome feeling from walking around. There's a large, comfortable, circular wicker chair (with cushioning, of course) by the door. I want to go back with a large paycheck in my bank account.

But I walked away with three-quarters pound of Ghirardelli Double Chocolate coffee and a small, relatively expensive jar of honey. The jar is made of glass, which probably explains the price. I also bought one of those honey dip sticks. It's small, cute, and goes perfect with the honey jar; it's the reason I bought the honey jar. Form follows function, right?

I also bought a Hello Kitty key chain.

Victor, Keiko, and I were at Target looking for gifts for Rumi (our TA in eng199), his wife, and his daughter, since they invited our group to dinner tonight. We decided to get his daughter – named Tsunami, by the way – a walkie-talkie set and a Hello Kitty key chain. I was in charge of picking the latter item and spotted a kitty with a strawberry hat and strawberries on her outfit. I thought it was damn cute, so I bought one for myself.

Nothing's wrong with me, though. It might complement my Pikachu key chain at home and this little knitted dragonfly hanging off my carabiner key chain. I need to name the kitty and dragonfly.

I have twelve Woodchuck Draft Ciders (six Pear and six Raspberry) for tonight. Victor has wine. We pre-party at Keiko's. And eat homemade Bengali food at Rumi's. I predict good times, so long as I don't get too tired and fall asleep after dinner.

A mocha is no lunch. When will 6:30 come? I need food.

well, I made something

It's one of those online quizzes. All hand-made. Took seven hours. Lost sleep and study time due to the distraction. And it's apparently much trickier than I thought it'd be. Good luck?

partial distortion

The light fog and christmas lights on downtown University Avenue are pretty.

sound success

Well, the third of three music projects have been completed, and the output for the class is better overall. Digital synthesis will always be easier.

And Scott liked that I made good use of centered sounds (‘a good centered image’ were his words, I think) along with left-right activity, and that it was bright (high highs; in other words, clear, loud high frequencies).

Compositionally, it was good. Not as good as I could have made it, given three hours to do the sequence and mix-down. Maybe next semester I can expand it (too hurried, perhaps, to get everything down in 30 seconds).

‘Ernest Goes to Hell’ is an apt title, I think, since it's bright, weird, and insane. One of three demented pieces played in class. (Scott called the second one ‘Ernest Returns to Hell’, hehe.)

Once we learn ProTools next semester, I will have at least this project (a sequence study) on the site. The first two studies could be shared, if only as a benchmark for how much more unskilled I am with analog techniques.

I am happy and amused at the responses, though. Laughter is good.