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Journal | Archives
I'm off to attend a couple of lectures at UMD.
Never go into the metro without near-exact change or a working credit card. You'll feel stranded otherwise.
I saw an angry black man yesterday walking back to Adam's Inn. He was yelling loudly about how his friend was killed? And there was another black man walking with him. And the angry one kept yelling at the other. Something like, ‘SHUT UP NIGGA!’ I can't wait to see what else DC has to offer.
I'm in such a good mood right now. I've missed her too much.
I made chocolate & peanut butter chip pancakes for breakfast and, for the first time this year, ate at our dining table. Andrew also joined me for breakfast with his hashbrowns.
The table was set all nicely and very date-oriented for a certain third roommate, whose date fared below ‘well’. But that is life. Karma? Who knows. But we lament.
Pancakes tomorrow? Yes. I am impatient right now.
Give or take a few minutes.
<BG>
If I don't eat enough, I get nauseous from it. Contacts keep my eyes heavy and my mind tired. Sleep medicine should only work during the night.
(That's us when we're famous!)
(I suck at Photoshop.)
I love you.
(Dan and Ryan, sorry.)
—I'm filthy rich, I'm always tan, and I've got a great ass, too. But my marriage sucks, so I hate my life.
—Bill, I'm Steve. I'm marrying a girl just because of her looks and we're rushing right into making babies. [‘BAAABBIESS!’] I've got no income because I just quit my job and I don't care because I feel greeeaaaat, yeaaaaah!
Sigh. I want to play FFXI with Ryan.
Eyes hurt. If I could only hang upside down like Michael Keaton.
Blah. Today has lost its momentum.
My room is a mess.
Andrew taught me to drive a stickshift. He says I did a very good job for it being my first time. I'll master it in two or three more outings.
Was I rapping explicit lyrics loudly while Andrew's dad was unknowingly within hearing distance?
(I shoudn't forget that he's working in Champaign more often and will drop by from time to time.)
Woops.
Wow. It's like a green Christmas.
Yes, today, all of my finances are coming together hella nicely. It's all a surprise, really. I can rest easy and not feel hurried for roughly three months, by which time I will bestow upon myself the title of King.
No, I won't even be close to paying off my federal loans by then.
I'm liking John Cage. I need to dig more into atonal classical and classical classical music more.
Hahahahaha! Ryan sends me the best links. You can be my Valentine, too.
Happy Homosexual Valentine's Day!
We should all live on Submaton Color!
Tomorrow I put in motion the paperwork that will withdraw me from this university. I will fully and technically no longer be a student after 19 years of being in the education system.
The story goes something like this: I am signed up for 3 hours of class; I received my bill today; the bill showed no loan; I go to financial aid and inquire; I am told that federal loans require 6 hours of class; I do not want to add another $1200 to my tab to get a loan which I once hoped would pay off my credit card bill, but would now only cover 1/3 of it.
I will lose $300 still, since at this time a withdrawal entitles me to a 70% refund.
I hate how the university hides these stipulations. Last time I asked if being a full time student mattered in receiving loans, the answer I got was ‘No’. Never a mention of that 6 hour requirement. Assholes. $1100 down the drain this school year thanks to them.
Oh well. I'm trying to be angry, upset, pissed, etc., but I can't get myself to feel bad. Today has been gorgeous (as is the night). My body feels flushed of toxins and I have a good sort of weariness lingering throughout my body. I love my family. I love my roommates. I love Asma.
My financial situation is shaky in that I'm spending 3 months of rent in 1 week. But it'll be a vacation, and this is the nature of such things. Dan is most kind to help me out in the interim, and he also gets my love.
This is the point where I wrote a ramble about trying to have a positive outlook in general, but it will be omitted. I'm trying to stay positive, in the sense that I don't want to be negative. That is all for now. For that.
The only thing that leaves me with some apprehension is my general inability to reconcile the written medium with the spoken. Someone told me to view the world as my journal; I wish it was that simple. Is it? If you know how to solve this problem, let me know.
Off topic, I watched Bowling for Columbine. My overall response to it, other than laughter at different times, is just ‘eh, it's coo’. I think it was Andrew who responded with, ‘That's what being jaded does to you’. (I might've mentioned something about people in general being hopeless.)
Off topic, I have a funny story.
Andrew's brother Peter was having computer problems since Sunday and needed my help. His computer would display the eMachine logo then go to a blank screen with a blinking cursor in the top-left corner.
With my CD case in tow, Andrew dropped me off at Peter's dorm so that I could play doctor.
So I'm sitting there, trying to restart the computer with ctrl + alt + del, but the thing won't respond. I get up to find the power button to manually shut it down. Before I do that, though, I pop up the cover hiding the disk drive, just out of curiosity.
I see a disk in there. Hmm…
Eject the disk, restart the computer, what do you know: things are starting up as normal.
So I laugh like a baby playing peek-a-boo. It capped off the night. To Peter's credit, if a computer doesn't recognize a floppy disk as being bootable, it usually shows an error message saying. This was a fluke. eMachine.
I apologize for making entries that needlessly sound upsetting. I will only sound upset when I truly am.
Song of the day: (I’m really still addicted to Self’s cover of “What a Fool Believes”, but let’s just say, “Dancing In the Dark” by Bruce Springsteen
On Wednesday February 11, 2004, The O.C. returns with all-new episodes, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m excited. Most of you already know of my unhealthy love for this show, but I’ve decided to go the extra step and put my sexuality under questioning once again, by publicly declaring my undying love for The O.C.
Maybe some of you have heard of The O.C. but never really watched it. Maybe you think it’s some 90210 or Dawson’s Creek wannabe. Maybe you’re right, (but I don’t think so.) While it’s true that The O.C. fills the hole in my life created by the end of Dawson’s Creek, I can honestly say that The O.C. is far superior to Dawson.
I am a heterosexual, (I swear!!) 22 year old, man (boy), and I have seen every episode ever made of Dawson’s Creek. I am ashamed to admit that right now, and I was ashamed to admit that I watched the show during its original run. During my freshman year of college, I discovered that many of the guys on my floor also secretly liked Dawson’s Creek. Before long, we were huddling together in a dark, crowded, dorm room hanging on every word of one of Dawson’s melancholy diatribes, laughing along with Pacey’s clever wit, and salivating over Katie Holmes. [Side note: One night during my 4th year of college, (I say “4th” instead of “Senior year” because I actually spent 4.5 years in college) my friends and I stumbled upon The Gift; a film directed by Sam Raimi and starring Keanu Reeves, Cate Blanchett, and Katie Holmes. I had heard that the film featured the first ever topless scene for Miss Holmes, but I wasn’t sure where exactly it occurred. Well, it turns out that it occurs nearly at the end of the movie, which is a genius move by Sam Raimi, because there’s no other reason to sit through that movie other than to see Katie Holmes’ boobs. My friends and I, (all guys, I might add), sat through the entire 112 minute movie just to see Katie Holmes’ breasts…and it was worth it.]
Anyway, even though all my guy friends and I watched Dawson’s Creek, we were all too embarrassed to admit it. We decided to codename the show “The Game”, that way we could talk about it in public without having our manhood questioned. (Example: “Hey, don’t forget ‘The Game’ is on tonight at 7.” Or “Did you see ‘The Game’ last night? I couldn’t believe how it ended!”) So this is my point: I watched every episode of Dawson’s Creek, but I was ashamed to admit that I watched it. I never really watched 90210 when it originally ran, mostly because when it started I was in 4th grade and far more interested in video games; I would not develop my sad obsession with prime-time soap operas aimed at teenage girls for a few more years. From what I’ve seen of the show in reruns, I’m sure that if I had watched 90210, I would have been reluctant to admit it. I am not afraid to admit that I love The O.C., however.
I think the main reason I was first interested in the show, (or so I tell people) is that for the past two summers, I’ve tutored rich high school kids in Newport Beach, California. Suddenly, I hear that there’s going to be a new show on TV about rich high school kids in Newport Beach California. I was intrigued. Since the show premiered on August 5th, 2003, I have missed exactly two episodes, and frankly, I’m still not quite over the fact that I missed those shows. Once, I was scheduled to work on a night when the show was on and despite my best efforts to trade shifts, I was unable to find a sub. Not owning a VCR, I was in a tough spot. So, I did the only thing I could do: I told my bosses that I had a meeting for one of my classes from 8 to 9, went to my friend’s apartment, watched The O.C. and then returned to finish my shift at work. Also, I got paid for this.
It’s difficult for me to coherently explain my love for the show, and in the interests of keeping this post at a manageable length for even my most short attention-spanned readers, I won’t even try. Do yourself a favor and check it out.
The O.C. can be seen every Wednesday night on FOX at 9/8 Central. Derek Bergmann would very much like to reiterate that he is not gay, although he is aware that his love for The O.C. is probably not “normal”.
Don't make me kill you so. Please. Don't.
My mom likes the scarf I made her. She's mesmerized by the cabling because it looks really complicated to her. And really, it's the sort of cabling you don't see, because it really warps the surface of the piece. It's neat to look at. My mom is sweet.
The last time I went to the neurologist for sleeping problems was 6 years and 10 months ago. Crazy. And I apparently was taking Clonazepam for six months but I don't remember that at all. I also saw a psychiatrist in '97 and I don't remember that either.
I will eventually get an MRI done in the next few weeks. If that doesn't show anything interesting, and if the medicine isn't working, I get another sleep study.
I've been sleeping better overall the past week, I think. I need to keep getting exhausted. And read in bed until I start nodding off – that was effective two nights ago. I fell asleep with the lights on and in a matter of minutes. Unheard of for the likes of me.
Haha! We just got an eviction notice. I swear, only students can laugh at these sorts of things.
I get to be with my love in six days. Two months will disappear with the sight of her. I am happy.
Well, the white & green tea combo is good. And so are the cookies. Microwaving helps combat the cold.
I woke up this morning thinking if I'd imagined Andrew calling me at 2:30 AM, telling me to get ready to go to jail to pick him up, because he was wasted and there were a lot of police around? And that he'd probably be arrested while walking home.
My call log confirms that he did call at that time. Silly Andrew.
I need to find a good outlet for bad feelings, instead of letting them sit around and build and explode at the wrong time or person. Like bloodletting. Let's get old school.
So there's been a story in the back of my head for years – since the eigth grade maybe – about monks who order a supercomputer to print out all the possible names of god. Once that was done, the world would come to an end.
Nine billion names of God by Arthur C. Clarke. ‘monks computers all names of god end of universe’: thanks, Google!
And thank you for the care package.
- 2004-02-06 10:13 pm EST
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One of my biggest pet peeves is to be left waiting, circumstances withstanding. But still. Frequency is frequency. I should be more patient. Or have backup plans. Or not be a loser.
Song of the day: “What a Fool Believes” (cover) by Self
When I created this non-journal, non-blog, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t use it as an outlet to whine, bitch, or complain about my life being depressing or anything of that nature. Furthermore, I would try to keep the reporting of what’s going on in my daily life to a minimum. Keeping up with these self-imposed restrictions might make me feel better about myself, and make it easier to reconcile the fact that I have a web journal, however, this means that I need to come up with some sort of witty social commentary on a daily basis, and that’s kind of hard. So, on some days (like today…and yesterday), I’m going to be lazy. Don’t worry, I promise that I’ll have more barely-coherent rants about things in the near future!
In my first ever post, I mentioned a disturbing children’s story that I wrote entitled "Oliver the Angry Squirrel". Well dear readers, today I give you the chance to read the infamous story…or not, depending on what you want. If you want to read it, click on the link below. If not, then don’t! See if I care!
KAISER PUT LINK TO OLIVER STORY HERE.
Keep in mind that I wrote this in like 15 min, and it shows.
